Friday, June 04, 2010
STIRRING THE OATMEAL....ENJOYING THE ORDINARY.
I'm going to wax very personal here. So..If personal things bore you please move on to someone else's blog. You will be very disappointed with this one today.
I used a phrase [not original with me] when I wrote about our anniversary recently that I've been asked about. In fact, two phrases were used and asked about. One was "stirring the oatmeal." The other was the altering of an old cliche to make it say "familiarity breeds respect." "Familiarity breeds contempt" was, of course, the original way it was said. I'll write about that later perhaps.
The first was used to show how ordinary things can be turned into an adventure rather than waiting for only the extraordinary things to be that. Who experiences many "extraordinary things"anyway? Much of daily living is lived in experiencing mundane often boring things that are more routine than exciting.
What celebrating the ordinary does is it keeps us appreciating what we have and are experiencing rather than always hoping something will happen that is exciting. It keeps us from wondering what we're missing out on in life. We're not missing out on anything. That's the point. Life is fun and appreciated where we are and with what is happening.
It is very similar to the old idea of "stop and smell the roses." Some people live their life without ever really enjoying it. They may even miss seeing what they have and waste their time longing for what they think other people have or are afraid they have missed out on. What a waste of time and energy and of life itself.
Mary and I HAVE had extraordinary times together. We've pastored large, exciting churches as well as small ones which were just as thrilling. We've gone to meetings sponsored by the multi-billion dollar Corporation for which she works. We've traveled to places like Hawaii, Israel, London, Egypt, not to mention trips on our motorcycle to Colorado, Bear Tooth pass in Montana, Yellowstone and Jackson Hole Wyoming. Those trips can ONLY be described as extraordinary when you're on a motorcycle.
Add to that the REALLY extraordinary events we've shared like the birth/marriages of children and grandchildren and who's to doubt that some really great things have been experienced by the two of us.
But, generally, our days are made up of the ordinary and it is the celebration of those times that make life far more exciting. This, especially as age begins to dictate the slowing down of extraordinary times/events. In fact, the older one gets the more likely it is that funerals become more common place than do weddings and births or travel and sight-seeing.
This is when having learned to celebrate the "stirring of the oatmeal" [What's more mundane than that?] comes into play. But I do think it takes learning this early in life on rather than later. You don't magically wake up one day doing it. It takes a commitment, time, and it takes practice.
Let me give an example. Mary's coffee. What I mean is this. Mary works for a major Publishing company and offices about a mile from our house. When I'm home from traveling myself, which is a good bit these days, I take her to her office, walk to Starbucks, three doors down, get a tall, mild, with room, cup of coffee. I then doctor it with a little sweetener, a little non-fat milk and walk the few feet to her office where she's unlocked the front door. I step in, she comes to me, I get a kiss, and she gets her coffee.
Now that's celebrating a cup of coffee if I do say so myself. This is every morning unless Providence dictates otherwise. When I can't, she jokingly wonders how she will get coffee that day. She doesn't know how to make it taste right she says.
Another example. When I'm gone on a meeting, two, three or four days at a time, it varies, and I get home I find something. The morning papers I've missed reading are at my place at the table, along with my personal mail, and a note has been written welcoming me home [With a few words that are private telling me how MUCH she has missed me.] and left on the cabinet that I see as I enter.
This is the moment I sense I'm REALLY home and I find relaxing feelings starting to take shape in my shoulders and back. Try it sometime. It's worth leaving briefly just to get to come home. Of course you have to learn to celebrate it like we do.
I might add that when she travels the same thing happens when she arrives home only the thing she finds is perhaps a clean house or groceries bought or a meal cooking. That says the same to her that my papers and mail do to me.
I could multiply these examples by telling about our noon dip in the pool during the summer time as I pick her up at 11:45am and have a protein drink ready. We float, we sun, we laugh, and she drives back to work by herself. [I'm going to be too busy in the pool to take her you understand. ;)] Or, a simple thing like her calling me "mister." Nothing else..just "mister" which I happen to be crazy about. Don't ask me why? I just am.
I could tell of our forgetting things as we get older but celebrate it by jokingly saying "There she goes" [Meaning she's losing it.] or "There he goes," depending on which one forgot something. This, instead of dreading getting older or getting upset that we are. We just are. And we are forgetful. "Celebrate it" is our motto. And we do.
I could even tell you about the moment we get in bed every night and Mary snuggles in close to my back. There is a small thing she says that makes me laugh every time. I will leave unshared what she says since it is personal and of a nature that would draw a censure from some I'm sure. But what do they know!! They just need to get a life. ;)
We started learning this several years ago when we would take trips and Mary would navigate while I drove. We'd REALLY get upset and even fight if wrong instructions, turns, or whatever happened to be given/made. One day we decided we would travel with the philosophy.."There are no mistakes, only ways of going and doing things we hadn't planned on. So we'll celebrate the unplanned." [Mistakes]
You ought to try it sometime. It will revolutionize any trip you take together. It carried over into other things for us and most little things have become an adventure. "Stirring the oatmeal" we have found can be a great thing. Try it sometime.
I do know that one day, for the spouse that remains, if that time comes, it will likely be those ordinary things that were shared and laughed about that will be remembered with misty eyes and smiles, rather than the trips.
By the way, if this is all too childish to really be right and is kind of dorky...don't tell me. I'm having too much fun thinking this way instead of being mature and as miserable as some people are.