Friday, February 12, 2010

FRIDAY FRAGMENTS NOT WORTH MUCH BUT FUN


With respect and appreciation to Gene S. who frequently comments on Wade's blog and who first posted these as a comment, I thought you might enjoy some funny stuff of his [that I've adapted] this Friday morning.

Everyone knows of Murphy's law.."Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." Well here are some similar laws that were new to me. I thought you might enjoy them as did I.

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of variation - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the evidence - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will..

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater or stadium - The people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or before the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. [The aisle people also are very surly folk too.]

Law of gym Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

And my favorite...

Law of seeing a Doctor - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

If you know any other good laws put them in a comment and I'll put them on the post....

Paul B.
New Laws Update..
Law of Interior decor - The likelihood of a slice of buttered toast landing butter-side-down is directly proportional to the square of the price of the carpet.[Bob Cleveland]
Law of pastoral expressed appreciation - People you remember to thank, forget that you did, but when you forget to thank them, they always remember." [Aussie John]
Law of when things DO go wrong - "When things go wrong, sometimes thinking you can fix it can make it worse." [Rex Ray]

9 comments:

Bob Cleveland said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bob Cleveland said...

Paul,

Speaking of Murphy's Law, you only mentioned the first Tenet.

Tenet two: when it does go wrong, it will be at the most inconvenient moment.

Tenet Three: When it goes wrong, it will be at the moment which will cause the greatest possible damage.

Also, the most important thing to know about Murphy's Law, is O'Toole's Corollary:

Murphy was an optimist.

About the Law of the Theater: Well .. DUUUH .. the people with long legs and big bellies naturally take the aisle seats!

Murphy's Interior Decor Law: The likelihood of a slice of buttered toast landing butter-side-down is directly proportional to the square of the price of the carpet.

I enjoy fun.

:)

Paul Burleson said...

Bob,

Good comment. I left out the carpet law from the original list but you've put it back in play.

I'll post it.

Aussie John said...

Paul,

You, of course, would be familiar with Presbyterian minister, Charles Thorne’s Law of Church Decision Making:
The carefulness with which a decision is made by a church body is directly proportional to the effect that the decision has on the day-to-day lives of the members of that body.

And I can be sure you have experienced at least some of these:
The one Sunday morning you're late in getting your sermon prepared, the computer won't print.

When you arrive late, the meeting starts early. When you rush and arrive early, it's the wrong evening.

People you remember to thank, forget that you did, but, when you forget to thank them, they always remember.

You' find that you remember the person's name-five minutes after your infantile attempt at a greeting.

Remember that bad driver who cut you off, causing you to take serious evasive action? He will be a first-time visitor this Sunday.
The closer you get to the hospital the harder it is raining, and the farther you will have to park from the entrance.

The week the Baptist hierarchy (of course they don’t exist) visits, two ushers and the soloist will not show up.

GuyMuse said...

LOL...these are great! Thanks for giving me a good laught this afternoon in hot, muggy Ecuador!

Bob Cleveland said...

AND ... as to the Law of Random Numbers: if you dial a wrong number and DO get a busy signal, how would you know it was a wrong number? And if you don't think the point has merit, ask yourself: Have you ever gotten a busy signal and immediately re-dialed, thinking you might have dialed it wrong the first time?

Uh-huh. I thought so. :)

Rex Ray said...

Paul,
On things going wrong, sometimes thinking can make it worse.

Once, a ladder tipped over and left me hanging. Instead of dropping three feet, I struggled back up and made a four foot ‘rope’ from an extension chord.

I thought I could ‘hand under hand’ climb down, but discovered my 77 year body was weak. Exhausted, I put my foot in the bottom loop to rest but couldn’t get my foot out.

The picture of hitting the floor with one foot five feet in the air kicked in enough adrenaline to get my foot out and I dropped like a rock. Took me five minutes to get enough energy to stand up.

And if you’re old enough you might remember Digger O’Dell’s – “What a revolting development that turned out to be.”

Paul Burleson said...

Everyone,

Mary and I have just returned from a two day Valentine's trip to Ft Worth on the Amtrak Heartline Flyer train with our ten year old granddaughter. A first train ride for all three. So I've been out of pocket.


Aussie J,

All you've memtioned are excellent. I'll post this one.."People you remember to thank, forget that you did, but, when you forget to thank them, they always remember."

Guy,

A little of your Ecuadorian heat would be appreciated in Oklahoma right now.

Bob,

Now THAT'S funny. I honestly, I hadn't even thought of that. No answer no way of telling it's a wrong number. I'm still laughing..at myself for not realizing it. Leave it to Bob's razor sharp mind though. Good stuff.

Paul Burleson said...

Rex,

Now THAT is a painful/funny story. I've taken this to be a law worth remembering.."On things going wrong, sometimes thinking can make it worse."