tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28605099.post6371074269101000633..comments2023-10-24T07:03:42.942-05:00Comments on vtmbottomline: THE PRACTICE OF RELATIONAL BOUNDARIESPaul Burlesonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17021178307705707423noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28605099.post-1568958321868167852011-05-01T05:52:03.050-05:002011-05-01T05:52:03.050-05:00Christine,
Patrick and his experience with the sc...Christine,<br /><br />Patrick and his experience with the school is a PERFECT example. Our grand-daughter, who is also special in needs and wheelchair bound, has been a wonderful relational experience for us as well.<br /><br />Your statement here..."All most patiently allowing my son to be himself, with as many 'choices' as could be had under the circumstances."...is the key to all I've said. <br /><br />Thanks again for your incredible way of being so simple and clear with words and illustrations.Paul Burlesonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17021178307705707423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28605099.post-25011914018397166562011-04-30T13:40:18.600-05:002011-04-30T13:40:18.600-05:00I like this:
"" Boundaries are respect ...I like this:<br /><br />"" Boundaries are respect in action. Any time we speak to another person as if we know what they are thinking, feeling, or should think or feel, we cross a boundary."<br /><br />'Respect' that is born of consideration for the PERSON was shown to my son with Down Syndrome, at Eastern Christian Children's Retreat in Wyckoff, NJ:<br />My son's group home is on the 'grounds' of a large estate building that serves as a residence for the most medically-needy residents, and also for the day-school that my son goes on week-days.<br /><br />When Patrick first was walked to the main building, he was allowed to 'explore' by walking around the building two or three times, before going in to classes. The staff formed a 'procession':<br />Patrick led, followed by staff-member, staff-member, staff-member.<br />All most patiently allowing my son to be himself, with as many 'choices' as could be had under the circumstances.<br /><br />That kind of 'consideration', I find most Christian. I love how he is cared for in that remarkable setting, among those who respect him as a person first and fore-most.Christianehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15969310497166526545noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28605099.post-33015634995674973482011-04-30T07:32:09.211-05:002011-04-30T07:32:09.211-05:00Paul said to Rodney.....
Rodney,
Very good thoug...Paul said to Rodney.....<br /><br />Rodney,<br /><br />Very good thoughts indeed. <br /><br />Believe it or not my wife and I discussed the very point you are making at length the other day as we walked our two miles together. We concluded that it may be that just the healthy, Spirit-led kind of relationship of which you are speaking may not need ANY emphasis on internal OR external boundaries because of what we call high trust and low fear. [A REAL mutual trust that has been won]<br /><br />It also may be that the lack of emphasis on such boundaries, at that time, might not mean the absence or even lowering of them, as much as an inbred reality of them that is so intuitive in both involved in a relationship that they are now a living breathing part of it. It would have then moved from ANY IDEA of performing to a real grace-based "being" instead of "doing" relationship. [ie..A Spirit controlled one.]Paul Burlesonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17021178307705707423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28605099.post-45643569764894434872011-04-30T07:31:41.083-05:002011-04-30T07:31:41.083-05:00All,
I went into my blog to insert a jpeg my wife...All,<br /><br />I went into my blog to insert a jpeg my wife made for the two column Internal boundaries and violations concept and, in doing so, I lost the two comments that had been posted by Rodney Sprayberry and myself. I'm attempting to repost those two comments but it will appear as part of this one. Sorry for any confusion and Rodney, if this doesn't meet your satisfaction, let me know and we'll try something different. Thanks<br /><br />Rodney said....<br /><br />I think I basically agree on the thrust of the last few posts. <br /><br />I believe that boundaries are necessary and healthy parts of good relationships. <br /><br />I also believe that it is better to honor internal boundaries in you (I am using "you" in a generic sense) rather than demand (I think it is good to ask) that they be honored by you in relation to me.<br /><br />To me that is the Golden rule put into practice.<br /><br />Of course, as you stated, anyone that chooses not to honor boundaries in a relationship damages that relationship. <br /><br />However, as much as I may understand the need to honor boundaries and as much as I desire to have my boundaries honored... Boundaries get infringed upon(I have moved my share of "boundaries stones" and damaged enough relationships to know how easily it can be done and how much pain it can cause). So grace and forgiveness are necessary, I think.<br /><br />However (and I am chewing on this even as I write)...<br /><br />Just as a person needs boundaries. If two or more people choose to have a relationship, is it not possible (and maybe even preferable) to <br />"redistrict" some of those internal boundaries? (Johari's window comes to mind)<br /><br />In other words, upon tacit agreement (trust and time) is it possible for some relationships to be a place where two or more people create a "safe" place to freely humbly,and lovingly inquire, observe, confront, and interact?<br /><br />Where some of our individual internal boundaries are lowered for the sake of emotional and spiritual growth? <br /><br />Frankly, I cannot get past the idea that relational growth and spiritual growth were designed by God to be two sides of the same issue.<br /><br />If so maybe the value and importance of spiritual gifts like mercy, discernment, and exortation are best realized within the context of what Crabb calls "redemptive relationships"<br /><br />The early fathers called such interactions Spiritual direction and Spiritual friendships.<br /><br />Maybe they are what is often missing in modern church life.<br /><br />I am finishing up "Bonhoeffer" by Metaxes. There is a quote from a letter that Bonhoeffer wrote to Barth from that book that seems applicable here.<br /><br />"You once said very seriously to the students that you sometimes felt as though you would rather give up all lectures and instead pay a surprise visit to someone and ask him "How goes your soul" The need has not been met since then, not even by the Confessing church. There are very few who recognize the need for this sort of work with young theologians as a task of the church and do something about it. And it really is what everyone is waiting for..."<br /><br />So maybe as much as we need good boundaries we also need those places where boundaries are lowered and we are invited by the Spirit of God a some of God's people to freely explore everything that makes us who we are and everything that God is using to us become who we will be.Paul Burlesonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17021178307705707423noreply@blogger.com